Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
The Olympian is in my bed
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
