she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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