so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
