we have officially lost it.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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