you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
