Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
