Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
