Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
