i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
he laminated a picture of his dick.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
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