exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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