threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
