hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
