if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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