He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
