Only a mothe r could love this liver
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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