rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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