I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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