I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Pants are for mortals
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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