butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
