so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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