she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
