what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
tell me about the fingering
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