I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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