Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
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