just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
