yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
