I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
