i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
