We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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