i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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