So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
