i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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