i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
