You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
