everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
