My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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