OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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