I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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