This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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