Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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