Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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