I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
