It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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