hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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