Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
