walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
