yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
