Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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