hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
