my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
