Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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