i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
