ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
