I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
