Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
