Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
