Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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